On Nice Guys and How to Break the Friendzone

Are you a nice guy? Do you suffer from being relegated to the friend-zone, every… single…time? You know, like that one time with that girl who you really liked but rejected you only to go out with some Ivy league protein powder addict who really didn’t care about her the way you did. He really isn’t her type and you somehow just know it.  But girls always seem to fall for those guys. Maybe nice guys really do finish last.

Hold up, I think there is a little problem here.

So as self-proclaimed “nice-guys”, y’all think that just because you spend time listening to her troubles, ask her about how she is feeling occasionally, and is there for her when she needs you warrants an escalation into a serious relationship? Well, if that was the case, then every true friend who has ever cared for and dedicated their time to you must have been in a relationship with you too. Wow, you must have been active. God forbid that a girl enjoys your friendship, but does not want to have sex with you.

But that one time though, when she was really drunk at the party and you walk her back all the way across campus back to her dorm without even thinking about making a move on her. Nope, you didn’t even think about it. So are you suppose to be rewarded now for not committing sexual assault? There is a reward for that, it’s called not being in prison.

The real issue of being a “nice-guy” lies with your mind., A mind full of unreasonable expectations, sexual manipulation, and a skewed view of what friendship and human interaction really means can be a real problem. We treat others with dignity, respect  and honor not because we want something in return from them. This is not a transaction of assets. What being friend-zoned is is really an illustration of cause of effect, how skewed expectations and thoughts can affect our intentions and actions, and how those actions when met with unexpected results can lead us to feel very negatively about ourselves, or “friend-zoned”.

So how can you nice guys break through this friend-zone? By becoming genuinely interested in other people. Don’t get ahead of yourselves with unwarranted expectations. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. Give honest appreciation. Treat people with the dignity and respect that every living being deserves. Do that, and soon you will be breaking down more than just friend zones.

Wisdom of Cultural Inheritance

To live with fertility and harmony without hurting others, might be the most basic endeavor of human civilization. But to arrive at this lifestyle, one needs wisdom, pragmatism, and faith as tools. These tools of life, developed over time, produces what we deem to be “culture”. Especially within the Chinese culture, many traditions of daily life are infused with the wisdom of greater thinkers and philosophers, passed down generation after generation. Foreign friends might be intrigued by or compliment on the effortless beauty of calligraphy, the seemingly magic of acupuncture, and such special cultural artifices, but they might not be able to understand with depth the art of tea, the pondering of the moon on a Mid-Autumn night, and other more multifaceted aspects of Chinese cultural wisdom.

Every one of us hopes to be unique, to be noticed by others; but we also wants to feel a sense of belonging. Our own distinct culture is the medium with which we communicate with our family and loved ones, and it is also the source of that sense of belonging and acknowledgement. We strive to create our own identity, but do not wish to distance ourselves from others, this is a daily tug-of-war for all of us.

But in the fast-paced world of today, it is easy for people to borrow and combine in the process of cultural intersections. And even easier to create the fleeting popular culture. This trend hopes to turn all things into the relatively uniformed. For a culture like China’s, rich in value and deep in wisdom, we are beginning to lose the patience needed to appreciate it. If we are to succumb to these modern circumstances, we will lose the connection to a tradition that can speak to the bottom of our hearts. One day, we may find ourselves lost in a state of  detachment; we might not be able to interact with other people, even worse, we might lose contact with ourselves. Of course, cultures change, no one culture can endure the winds of time and history. But I still believe we should accept the changes of new, without losing the memories of the old.

Living in the modern family of today, it is very difficult to resist the constant need to feel fulfilled. Our urge to quickly complete all the task at hand causes us to lose our patience towards the details. We are on the threshold of a change, about to forgo the wisdom of inheritance and tradition. We seem to think that sitting down to wait for a cup tea to cool to the right temperature is a mere waste of time, but we don’t seem to appreciate that this process is what makes life so full and valuable.

In regards to our own cultural traditions, we are not only responsible for understanding and carrying it out, but also for relaying it to the future generations. The ocean of Chinese culture is as deep as it is powerful, stemming from Laozi to Zhuangzi and many others who has showered us with their thoughts wisdom, all the down to the culturally astute people of today. The stream flows continuously with no sign of slowing down.