More and more colleges around the nation are bringing “Wow-butter” into their dining halls to accommodate students who are fatality allergic to peanut butter. Not to be outdone by its peers, Swarthmore College (a leader and innovator in the field of social justice), plans to introduce a series of new classes called “Wow-classes” to accommodate students who are fatality allergic to ignorance and human fallibility. These classes, which will run along side current courses, exclude aspects of human behavior that could cause a fatal allergic reaction in some students, such as a penchant to speak without knowing the complete history of everyone in the class, which can trigger a remote incidence in one’s early childhood and prompting some very harmful allergic reactions.
To ease students into the process, Swarthmore College has begun to run test trials of their “Wow-classes”. So far the responses from the student body has been that of the utmost support and excitement. “The new classes really wowed me, before I had to force myself to learn to deal with people’s ignorance and difference in opinion and it was really getting to my mental health, ” says senior Alice Paul, “I think this is a big step forward for equality in Higher Ed, almost as important as the woman’s suffragist movement.” Some students were so excited about the prospect these classes that they even promised to donate more funding to the college once they matriculate. “These classes are so cool, it’s like everyone just agrees with everything I believe in and have come to hold as true,” says Junior Eugene Lang, “if I ever get rich one day, I am gonna donate not one, not two, not three, but four building back to swat.”
Inside these classes, students actively engage in intellectual group discussions, stating literally the same things in five different languages and citing various sources that seem to be conducted by the same research institute. But some member of the student body are becoming increasingly reminiscent of past classes, “Is it alright if we go back to the old classes where people say stupid things, and we just tear it apart for being misogynistic and intolerant instead of focusing on the actual argument, it was so fun” said one senior who asked to remain confidential in fear of the possible ransacking of his residence in Phi Psi Lodge.
But no one was more welcoming of the “Wow-classes” then the professors themselves. “I have so much more free time now that that ignorance and human fallibility has been artificially selected out of my classroom, it’s like I don’t even have to teach any thing of substance anymore,” says one rather corpulent professor of the Science Dept. Other professor have taken advantage of the extra time on their for more productive activities. “Now that we have “Wow-classs”, I can spend the whole day pondering my pronoun preference on Facebook, maybe I will even help my father with his,” reported one elderly member of the Philosophy Dept.
In my short lived life of 18 yrs, I have been extremely fortunate to have not only a great foundation of parents and friends to ground me but also the unwarranted gift of being able to accomplish the things I have set out to do. I am grateful for that every single moment of my life. Which is why it is my life goal and daily endeavor to help as many people as I can to touch as many lives as I can before I return to the dirt. Few phenomenal events today further reinforced my believe in “spreading the love” and actively reaching out to other people for no ulterior motives.
I was heading out to Philly tonight with my hometown homie “Mase-on” to watch the Philly screening of the movie Linsanity at Ritz 5 on Walnut and 2nd street. We get to the theater about 6:50 PM and the movie begins at 7:30PM. So we tots have the option of 40mins of free “freezing” time outside or find something else to do. So being the lazy person I am, I decided to tackle the closest restaurant for warmth and security, which turned out to be this place called Zahav about 50 yrds away. The Place had the look of a place that was way beyond our budget (“Do you have a reservation?” being the 1st question asked kinda gave it away), so instead of saying “hey we are broke-college students, whatcha got there for us?”, I simply told them we had some time to burn before a movie and would like a drink and some laffa bread to fill-up. The bartender gave us this look as if we were robbing their “potential income” by occupying two bar seats with our “$4 laffa orders and ginger ale”.
15mins in, I get kinda anxious when our laffas haven’t shown up, maybe they be secretly hating on us? Turns out it was on the side of a couple sitting right next to us, they not only return us the warm and fresh laffa, but also gives us all of their leftovers (which was plenty), including their “fried goat cheese thingies” which tasted like heaven (if one so do exists) and a bunch of other condiments for our laffa. We devour the laffa. Then order another one. This one takes 1min to arrive. We devour the laffa, again. The girl in the couple asks us if we are Chinese. We say “Made in China”. She says she is half, and her father is a man from southern China who wears cowboy boots and has a southern accent (b/c he lived in Texas). I check the watch. It’s time to go.
Just when I turned to ask for the check, the bartender says “no, it’s on me”. We were so surprised, and thanked them (couple and bartender) profusely for the next 3 minutes until we remember we had a movie to catch. Our initial reactions was “wow, we don’t deserve this, better do something good for other people starting now”. We march on to Ritz 5, and walks in right in time for screen to say “please wait 10more mins, but we have free posters and drinks.” What a night.
PS: So as my way of giving back, “Mase-on” and me will be at the SCI center the rest of this wk (until Fri) during lunch time to pay for random people who we don’t know and have no connections to as they hurry there for that “Asian cuisine”, you know just cause. 🙂