Tomorrow morning I will drive from my home Southern California all the way back to Swarthmore College, whether I make it there or not. Well stay tune to the blog for more updates.
This is an exercise in replication of the Great American Tradition, lugging oneself from sea to shining sea, in the confines of ones’ own gas-guzzler. Hopefully everything goes well, and I get to live my American dream.
First stop, somewhere in Utah.
More and more colleges around the nation are bringing “Wow-butter” into their dining halls to accommodate students who are fatality allergic to peanut butter. Not to be outdone by its peers, Swarthmore College (a leader and innovator in the field of social justice), plans to introduce a series of new classes called “Wow-classes” to accommodate students who are fatality allergic to ignorance and human fallibility. These classes, which will run along side current courses, exclude aspects of human behavior that could cause a fatal allergic reaction in some students, such as a penchant to speak without knowing the complete history of everyone in the class, which can trigger a remote incidence in one’s early childhood and prompting some very harmful allergic reactions.
To ease students into the process, Swarthmore College has begun to run test trials of their “Wow-classes”. So far the responses from the student body has been that of the utmost support and excitement. “The new classes really wowed me, before I had to force myself to learn to deal with people’s ignorance and difference in opinion and it was really getting to my mental health, ” says senior Alice Paul, “I think this is a big step forward for equality in Higher Ed, almost as important as the woman’s suffragist movement.” Some students were so excited about the prospect these classes that they even promised to donate more funding to the college once they matriculate. “These classes are so cool, it’s like everyone just agrees with everything I believe in and have come to hold as true,” says Junior Eugene Lang, “if I ever get rich one day, I am gonna donate not one, not two, not three, but four building back to swat.”
Inside these classes, students actively engage in intellectual group discussions, stating literally the same things in five different languages and citing various sources that seem to be conducted by the same research institute. But some member of the student body are becoming increasingly reminiscent of past classes, “Is it alright if we go back to the old classes where people say stupid things, and we just tear it apart for being misogynistic and intolerant instead of focusing on the actual argument, it was so fun” said one senior who asked to remain confidential in fear of the possible ransacking of his residence in Phi Psi Lodge.
But no one was more welcoming of the “Wow-classes” then the professors themselves. “I have so much more free time now that that ignorance and human fallibility has been artificially selected out of my classroom, it’s like I don’t even have to teach any thing of substance anymore,” says one rather corpulent professor of the Science Dept. Other professor have taken advantage of the extra time on their for more productive activities. “Now that we have “Wow-classs”, I can spend the whole day pondering my pronoun preference on Facebook, maybe I will even help my father with his,” reported one elderly member of the Philosophy Dept.